Republicans and tea baggers busy searching for half a million bogus Wisconsin residents -- here's help | Wis.Community

Republicans and tea baggers busy searching for half a million bogus Wisconsin residents -- here's help

[img_assist|nid=55543|title=The real truth hurts|desc=|link=none|align=right|width=160|height=75]Now that there's a mini-industry booming in the conservative campaign to recall the recall, with bloggers, wingnut radio jockeys and even the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel getting in on the hunt for allegedly massive recall signature fraud, how on earth will this assembled multitude of nitwits, cynics and true believers manage to find nearly 600,000 faulty or suspicious signatures on the petitions submitted to recall Gov. Scott Walker?

We've already had some clues, with little old ladies using yellow markers to highlight signatures that just seem odd to them, for no particular reason. But the GOP-led inquisition will have to do better than that.

Here's a helpful tip, Republicans: Hire a ton of elementary school English teachers to review Wisconsin voter compliance with cursive, the formal writing style where the letters are joined. You see, GOP, a lot of Americans never bothered to adopt cursive, and others use it very, very badly. Indeed, you can hardly make out their highly stylized and dismissive signatures. Some poople even sign their names using block letters, and some others who are semi-illiterate use an X or other symbology.

So focus on cursive. For starters, you'll have a shot at wiping out every petition signer who's a licensed medical practitioner. Doctors scrawl their names illegibly on prescriptions, so they'll likely have done it on petitions, too.

Whoops, one problem: Most pubilc school teachers who teach English -- trampled upon by Walker's major education cuts and anti-union givebacks -- hate Republicans. They won't be reliable in the anti-cursive campaign at all. Better find another strategy, GOP.

Hey,  here's an idea: Just make shit up. That's easily good enough to fetch you a hundred thousand suspicious signatures, wouildn't you say? Also, move quickly from the specific to general. Blast-fax one example of a suspicious signature, however unsuspicious it may really be, and then quickly turn it into a huge generalization. Then simply file a lawsuit getting Judge Mac Davis or another GOP-friendly court to rule that the whole process is so badly, badly flawed it must be thrown out in its entirety, lest Scott Walker be disenranchised for no good reason.

Trust me, friends, I'm being sarcastic but I'm not being all that far over the top, here. When you're the GOP, you throw spaghetti at the wall and expect some of it will stick. It's all Republicans have at this point, but that won't stop them.

Published

February 4, 2012 - 10:03am

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